Okay fine, I lied. And, yes you caught me. I lured you in with my title to get you to read my shit. The truth is humans don’t actually have any bad luck. If you aren’t fed up with me and you’ve read this far, and wouldn’t mind sparing a few extra minutes to listen to what I have to say, then please proceed.
In this blog post, I’ll be referencing Episode 21 of Season 4’s Everybody Hates Chris titled “Everybody Hates Bomb Threats”. This post isn’t sponsored by Chris Rock but fuck, it would’ve been so cool if he did sponsor it. Enough of me daydreaming let’s get to the core of this post. This is my 2nd time talking about the iconic t.v. show Everybody Hates Chris. And no, my blog isn’t turning into a t.v. show review blog. Although, that would be sweet. I refuse to let that idea die prematurely.
For me, this episode was like looking into a mirror. Rochelle’s actions and experiences resonated with me the most. And I will always defend Everybody Hates Chris as an equal blend of both comedy and realism.
In this episode Everybody Hates Bomb Threats, Rochelle is working at her friend Vanessa’s hair salon where she’s also a manager. A woman comes into the shop, expresses how dissatisfied she is with her hair color, then demands a refund. Rochelle explains to her that she can’t be refunded because it goes against store policy. The woman leaves visibly upset and threatens to put a “hex” on Rochelle.
In the show, a “hex” or “mojo” is described as being a voodoo spell one puts on an unfavorable individual in order to generate bad luck/ a curse.
Later in the show, it’s revealed that the hex isn’t real; it simply doesn’t exist. Coincidentally bad things begin to happen to Rochelle and eventually the people closest to her. Everyone in the family is having a considerable amount of bad luck:
➜ Her oldest son’s school receives a bomb threat
➜ Her husband’s car battery suddenly dies while it was brand new and the mechanic tells him it looks like he bought it 3-4 years ago
➜ Rochelle ends up burning her hand on a pot while making dinner for her family
➜ Rochelle’s youngest son Drew and only daughter Tanya both end up catching the flu when they were perfectly healthy the night before
➜ Her penny-pinching husband develops a hole in his pants pocket and loses 89 cents
➜ Rochelle’s tenant Mr. Omar informs her that he’d be running late on rent for the month
With all of these bad things happening to and around Rochelle. She becomes so convinced the hex placed onto her is indeed real. She seeks out help, goes to the spiritual shop the dissatisfied customer owns, and agrees to give her a refund. Rochelle goes against store policy and risks losing her job in an attempt to get the “hex” removed.
Vanessa discovers that the cash register keeps turning up $40 short. Rochelle lets her know she refunded one of the customers, and this is where Vanessa informs Rochelle that the hex woman is a psychotic fraud, and spits the exact same lines to every hairdresser to end up not paying.
And the truth about the mojo affecting Rochelle and the people closest to her?
Mr. Omar is a funeral director and the murder rate in the neighborhood decreased significantly. Which means there aren’t many dead bodies to bury so less income is generated.
Her oldest son Chris, was the one to call in the bomb threat in an attempt to get out of taking a school test.
Drew and Tanya got the flu because they simply got the flu. It’s pretty normal to get a flu, it’s not far fetched or way out there. We all get sick sometimes, it’s one of the many taxes we pay for being a human being.
And Rochelle never ended up paying for a new car battery. She used the money to embark on a marvelous shopping spree, so the car battery was indeed 3-4 years old exactly like the mechanic suggested.
Are you beginning to see the clear picture here? There wasn’t any bad luck or curse or hex or mojo being spread around. It was plain old life just doing what life does. Everyone’s “bad luck” experiences had a perfectly reasonable explanation.
Watching this episode was like watching a major part of my young life play out.
I’ve always considered myself to have bad luck, I’ve always told myself that I was cursed and that nothing good ever happens to me and will never happen to me. It seemed like a black cloud would linger over my head at all times; I always felt marked by society, partly because I have a weird/ uncommon name. I sensed I was even a victim of name discrimination at one point which prompted me to begin shortening my name and make it appear more Americanized– I blamed capitalism; even though there isn’t a proper way to measure name discrimination.
I constructed this belief that someone or something in the universe was out to get me and that someone or something would always shoot me down before giving me an opportunity. Truthfully I thought exactly like Rochelle, that I had a hex on me. When in fact I was just experiencing life, I laid there like a starfish while life fucked me.
The bad things happening to and around Rochelle was simply life occurring and shifting its gears. There wasn’t any voodoo spell, or hex, or mojo, or bad luck- life was simply taking its course. When bad things continuously happen it’s normal to believe that someone put something on you, or even something you can’t physically see has set out to destroy you, or that God is punishing you when you’ve been moral your entire life. I genuinely believed all of those things.
I thought I had the “Anti Midas” touch, which translates to ‘everything turns to shit’. “Same shit, different day” this was my life’s slogan for quite some time.
Similarly to Rochelle, I attempted to seek out spiritual guidance. Pay whatever price, use whatever services that were available, undergo the trauma of self-transformation, read my horoscope each day, crack open fortune cookies, submit online prayers, treat others the way I wanted to be treated, and attempt to maintain a positive attitude. And I can’t say for sure any of those things were a dead end because there really isn’t a definite way to know or even measure spirituality’s legitimacy. I’ll stop here and won’t delve any further into this.
The truth is, life is fucking shitty. Yes, it has the potential to be beautiful and enjoyable but for most people like me: LIFE FUCKING SUCKS. And it sucks even more so because none of us agreed or asked to be brought into this world. We can’t depict any form or shape our lives will take; we’re not cursed or having a bad luck spell put onto us.
The only real curse you and I share is having a beating heart.