Posted in Satire

38-year-old Pennsylvania man went on 4 interviews for a dishwasher position, the owner didn’t hire him because β€œhe lacked essential dish-washing skills”

38-year-old Mark Russo, a Pennsylvania native used to be a truck driver until one terrible night he got into a crash, suffered a concussion, and had to have his right ass cheek amputated.

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Lions, Tigers, and Bears keep waltzing into this McDonald’s location in Washington. The manager expects her employees to fight them off while tending to the grill.

This local McDonald’s doesn’t have a pest problem; instead, they have an β€œexotic pet” problem. Ferocious wildlife animals have been entering this restaurant on 39th street for three
weeks, chanting, β€œTwo legs bad, four legs good.”

Continue reading “Lions, Tigers, and Bears keep waltzing into this McDonald’s location in Washington. The manager expects her employees to fight them off while tending to the grill.”
Posted in Uncategorized

Sunlight Made Me Less Lazy

I think the sun’s rays may be healing me.Β 

If you’ve read my β€œAbout Me” section you should know that I live in New York City, but if you didn’t have a chance to read it or this is your first time here, you know now. I live in a very boring, quiet, and residential area of Brooklyn. I always make the assertion that the most exciting thing about my neighborhood is the train station and I mean it.

I can travel throughout most boroughs within the city on $2.75. I consider that to be a semi steal yet low-key highway robbery considering how much subway fares have increased throughout the years. And raising the price of subway fare as opposed to lowering it never has any wiggle room.Β 

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Big Body, Small Voice

Being fat and introverted truly sucks, it doesn’t do me any favors. It’s expected of me to acquire many of the stereotypical fat people personality traits, and when I fail to check off those tiny individual boxes, the disappointment on people’s faces begin to visibly emerge. But that’s just the price I have to pay for living in an extrovert world and having the flesh on my stomach resemble steel armor. No, I am not from medieval times. And yes, that was a joke. 

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